I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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