im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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