She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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