Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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