Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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