I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
