I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
