Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
