he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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