woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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