belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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