okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
