We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
being pregnant is like rehab
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
