Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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