Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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