it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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