just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
