he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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