I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I need to stop coming to work sober
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize