he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
