I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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