I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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