All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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