I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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