are you still at the devil's house?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
