You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
And then he peed in my hair
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