I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
