You made me cry and you don't even care
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
