she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
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I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
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He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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