When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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