I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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