She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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