You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
