I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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