Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
