it's like iHOP with fire
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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