We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Never joke about your clitoris.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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