Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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