he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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