I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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