I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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