He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
