I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
