HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I would ride that face into the sunset
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
