Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize