I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Randomize
