I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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