Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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