This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I don't deserve a penis
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize