He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Randomize
