I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
