Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
