You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
