You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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