please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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