what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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