I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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