i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
