Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Randomize