...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
