I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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