hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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