i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
