who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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