My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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