I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
