She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
